Scene Context

With that in mind, let’s look at Bochan_bird’s translation of “Episode 26: Sincerely Yours/I need you”:

Shinji: “But it makes me afraid… Afraid that I won’t be needed again someday. It makes me uneasy! It worries me! Let me hear your voice! Interact with me!! Care about me!”

[Shinji and Asuka in Misato’s apartment - Asuka sitting dejectedly at table]

Shinji: “I want to help you in some way… and to be with you forever.”

Asuka: “Then, don’t do anything. Don’t come near me anymore… Because all you ever do is hurt me.”

Shinji: “Asuka, help me! You’re… you’re the only one that can!”

Asuka: “Liar…”

[Shinji cringes]

Asuka: “To you, anybody will do!”

[Asuka gets up from table and backs Shinji up against the wall]

Asuka: “You’re afraid of Misato and the First… and of your mother and father, too!”

Shinji: “Asuka…”

Asuka: “You’re only using me as an escape - because that’s the easiest way not to get hurt!”

Shinji: “Asuka, help me!”

Asuka: “Because that’s the easiest way not to get hurt!”

Shinji (desperately): Please, help me!

Asuka (angrily): “You’ve never really liked anyone!”

[Asuka shoves Shinji, who crumples to the floor, taking the coffee pot with him]

Asuka (angrily): “You’re all you have! But you’ve never even learned to like yourself!”

[Asuka, while staring disdainfully down at Shinji lying helplessly amidst the spilt coffee]

Asuka: “How pathetic…”

[Shinji slowly gets to his feet]

Shinji (weakly): “Help me… Somebody… Somebody help me… Help me… Help me… Me… Help ME!”

[Shinji throws the table aside]

Shinji: “Don’t leave me alone! Don’t abandon me! Don’t kill me!”

[Shinji picks up a chair and throws it at Asuka’s feet]

Asuka (coldly): “…No…”⁴

[Shinji strangles Asuka as “Komm, süsser Tod” (“Come Sweet Death”) begins to play]

Allusions

Part of the trouble interpreting this scene is that Anno is a very good director and a master of callbacks and allusions and variations - but one man’s allusion is another man’s mot juste.

For example, when Shinji Ikari says only Asuka can help him and she replies “Liar”, it’s the same single-word reply that Ritsuko Akagi gave Gendo Ikari just before he shot & killed her. Significant?

In the previous half of EoE, as she lay dying, Misato muses that

“If I knew it would end this way… I would’ve done like Asuka said… And changed the carpet… Right, Pen-pen?”

Spilt coffee certainly could ruin a carpet, and both Asuka and Pen-pen witness the spilling; so is this Anno telling us that this scene is a memory set way back before TV episode 23 or 24?

A briefly flashed shot of the kitchen from Shinji’s perspective is in Evangelion:DEATH(true)²; Brendan Jamieson describes the shot:

“I noticed something very disturbing during the scene where Shinji first meets Kaworu on the beach. There is a very quick cut of Asuka flashed and looking at it now I am positive it is a view of Asuka from Shinji’s perspective in the coffee-pot scene. The cut is of the camera looking down upon Asuka, sitting at the dinner table - head in hands - from her left. This would be exactly how Shinji would have seen her in the EoE scene. The whole thing seems very peculiar to me”⁵

SSD provides the screenshots; despite the uncanny visual similarity, it seems Jamieson’s cuts are actually of Misato & Asuka mourning Kaji’s death - but not quite exactly as one might expect. Perhaps, as SSD remarks, they are “one of the many ‘twisted retakes’ EoE’s Pre-Instrumentality and Instrumentality proper alludes to. Another being the Episode 15 kiss scene.” Brendan, on balance, thinks that the scene is not real:

There are several cels from that scene used in episode 23, Special Edition (as well as some frames from the Rei/Lilith being). These are added during the sequence when Shinji tells Asuka that Kaji is dead (or at least, “not coming back”). Assuming this scene from EoE was real - it is only logical to presume they would have been edited into the Japanese release as all the other scenes were…So you’re saying Shinji tried to strangle Asuka? I can see a post-Kaworu Shinji doing that; but any time before that is ridiculously out of character.

The scene is too off-beat… too surreal. Considering the circumstances, I think it’s simply a physical manifestation, via Complementation, of Shinji’s inability to relate to, and interact with, others.

Some say it is set in the real world:

In the climax of End of Evangelion, one character performs a shocking act against another, and there has been some audience speculation, based on the abstract and internal nature of said finale, whether the incident actually occurs in the “real world” of the narrative. However, in one of the last television episodes, a series of brief, near still images of a disrupted kitchen (in particular, a lingering shot of an over-turned coffee pot lying partially out of frame) imply heavily that the incident truly happens, and thus makes it all the more devastating. In the final moments of the film, the incident is all but reenacted, and while the setting has changed, the animation returns to a similar series of still images (detailing the state of the world) to recall that moment.⁶

This is possible. In this scene, Asuka and Shinji are in the kitchen and Asuka is wearing a yellow shirt; 2 of the added scenes in D&R (inserted into the Director’s Cut) put them in the kitchen with Asuka wearing a yellow shirt, and it is known that those added D&R scenes were being written simultaneously with EoE’s plot.⁷ On the other hand, another commenter points out that the clothes are the same as a chronologically earlier scene and argues that this repetition is indicative of memories being mingled and the scene not being real.⁸

On the other hand, Asuka’s coma puts some severe limitations on her interactions with other characters; neither Shinji nor Asuka seem to be desperate enough before EoE for such a violent interaction; nor is it clear why Asuka would call for Shinji in the final fight if she had previously (as depicted in the hypothetical flashback) told Shinji to leave her alone,⁹ and likewise why would Shinji ask the unconscious Asuka for help in the earlier infamous ‘hospital masturbation’ EoE scene?¹⁰ Further, many scenes are not obviously ‘dream sequences’, yet must be - for example, D&R has unexplained scenes of Asuka, Shinji, and Kaworu playing classical Bach pieces TODO: was it Bach? together, despite the fact that Kaworu was introduced after Asuka was put into a coma.

Why does Shinji say “Don’t kill me!” when he’s the one physically attacking people? Is this linked to the defeated Asuka’s final incoherent words to her SEELE enemies, “Kill you all… I’ll kill you… I’ll kill you all”?

Nor is allusions confined to lyrics. Musically, KsT seems to reference over parts of Eva:

“But it’s important to note that Komm Susser Tod’s progression changes ~2:10 and never really returns to the Pachelbel thing. No doubt its included in the film due to its ‘cover’ of Canon (not to mention the lyrical subject matter), and it certainly refers to Canon’s earlier usage in Death [& Rebirth] (particularly the inferences to Instrumentality during the rehearsal parts).”¹¹

“Komm, Suesser Tod”

The song “Komm, süsser Tod” (KsT) overlaps the scene only briefly as we segue to an ‘external’ view of the planet earth and humanity deliquescing to form a singular entity, but if we’re not certain what the scene means just from the text, we have to look to the lyrics - it would be logical if the lyrics described the consequences of what seems to be Asuka’s complete rejection of Shinji.

The movie version is in English; reportedly Anno penned the lyrics in Japanese and had them translated for the singer, Arianne¹², to perform.

The music itself is not helpful; many have noted that it sounds improbably cheerful and also rhythmically similar to the Beatles’ “Hey Jude”. The lyrics seems to be about suicide - quite a contrast! This contrast is, however, an Anno trademark. He previously used it in episode 24 where Beethoven’s celebratory Ode to Joy played as Shinji kills his friend, and the cheerful song/tragic event technique is used not once but twice in Rebuild 2.0¹³.

I know, I know I've let you down
I've been a fool to myself
I thought that I could
live for no one else
But now through all the hurt & pain
It's time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything
So with sadness in my heart
(I) feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever
what's done is done it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
I'll never love again
my world is ending

I wish that I could turn back time
'cause now the guilt is all mine
can't live without
the trust from those you love
I know we can't forget the past
you can't forget love & pride
because of that, it's killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down
It all returns to nothing, I just keep letting me down, letting me down, letting me down
In my heart of hearts
I know that I called never love again
I've lost everything
everything
everything that matters to me, matters in this world

“Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed”

KsT was not always going to be the EoE feature song; the Refrain of Evangelion OST notes say that there was a competitor, “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed” (EYED), which was likewise penned by Anno & translated/heavily adapted by Mike Wyzgowski.

Why KsT was chosen over EYED is unclear. SSD remarks that

“Oh, and it’s understandable why KST was used in terms of scene-matching and tempo compared to EYED. Although it was the other song option for Instrumentality, Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed is too slow-tempoed (also it’s a minute or two shorter than KST), though some of the music fits the scenes when you play the sequence and song together.”²⁰

Let’s compare Rachel Clark’s translation of Anno’s lyrics and Refrain of Evangelion:

I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. But I was hurt. But instead I got hurt. She brought pain to my heart. I hurt my feelings.

Even so, But, I hurt that girl’s heart, as well. I also hurt her feeling. I inflicted the greatest hurt upon her. I hurt her much more. I hurt her with kindness. My kindness hurt her.

CHORUS: Did hurting her bring you sorrow? Were you sad by hurting her? (chorus) CHORUS: Did hurting her bring you pain? Did you suffer by hurting her? (chorus)

No. No. Hurting her gave me pleasure. I was happy to hurt her. Hurting her gave me delight. I enjoy hurting her. Because she wouldn’t accept me. So, she won’t forgive me. I don’t even accept myself. I won’t forgive me either. I haven’t since I felt the pain in my heart. Because I learned of heartache

CHORUS: If that’s so, why do you live? Then, why are you living? (chorus)

If only I would die. You should be dead.

CHORUS: Die. Die. Die. Die. Die, die, die, die. (chorus)

Why am I still living? Why are you still living? Because I’m still alive. Because I’m still alive. But that girl hasn’t met me. But, I can’t meet her. I want to meet her, but I don’t. Although I want to see her, I don’t. The strength to meet her isn’t there. I don’t have the strength to see her. I’ve been hurt more often than I hurt others, but I’m not accepted. Since I hurt her, I should get hurt even more to be forgiven. This is my punishment. This is my punishment.²¹

Death will not become my redemption. Death can’t atone for my sin. For the sake of my redemption, I live. I’m living for my atonement.

CHORUS: You go on living, but you don’t care. It’s okay to continue your life. (chorus) CHORUS: Selfishly, you go on living, but you don’t care. I don’t care how you continue your life at your own convenience. But how do you intend to make up for everything? But, how are you atoning for your sin?

…I don’t understand. … I don’t know.

As one can see, the general tone of defeat, resignation, and suicide is present as well. We might be over-interpreting KsT on its own, but when both candidates suggest this interpretation, we are on solid ground.

Context

The sequences immediately after KsT are confusing montages and live-action clipshows. It’s not clear what’s going on, and this is a point at which many people seem to simply give up and wait for the movie to terminate on the beach; Shinji’s dialogue with Rei seems like pure gibberish. But it turns out that we are lacking a huge puzzle piece - the live-action clips were drawn from a longer cut live-action sequence which had made it all the way to filming. Is this important?

Every work is made under constraints but that doesn’t mean we should applaud every decision which had to be made. EoE seems to have been under time constraints just like the TV series, given the delays and very weird release schedule, so it’s possible that that was why the full live-action sequence was cut and an incomprehensible set of clips used instead. I don’t see what’s inessential about it: EoTV also used anime and crayon and random stuff, and also included a full alternate world sequence.

This is important: EoTV also had an alternate world, even if it was animated and not live-action like EoE’s. I think there is clear parallelism: both alternate worlds take place in the last episode (episode 26 and 26’ respectively), both take place not terribly long before the end, and both seem to trigger a decision or realization by Shinji. Both sequences served a didactic purpose: in EoTV, it showed Shinji that he could live in a world without EVA and in EoE, it took it a step even further and showed Shinji a completely ordinary world without EVA, NERV, Second Impact and without any of his relationships with other people.

I admit that it’s much easier to understand the EoTV alternate reality sequence than the EoE one, since episode 26 lays out the meaning very explicitly:

Shinji: “I get it, this is also a possible world. One possibility that’s in me. The me right now is not exactly who I am. All sorts of me’s are possible. That’s right. A me that’s not an Eva pilot is possible too.”

“When you think of it that way, this world of reality isn’t so bad.”

S: “The world of reality might not be so bad. But I hate myself.”

“It’s you that perceives reality as bad and unpleasant. It’s you who’s mistaken reality for the truth. Your perspective on reality and the importance you place on reality, the slightest difference in these things will greatly change the world inside your mind.” …

S: “I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it’s okay for me to be here! That’s right! I’m me, nothing more, nothing less! I’m me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it’s okay for me to be here!”

“Congratulations!” etc

The EoE one is located close to the end like the EoTV one - it was to be placed around the ‘I hate you’ dialogue and it exits into the Shinji-Rei discussion in the Sea of LCL which then leads to the beach and the end of the film. Like the EoTV one, it seems to be some sort of realization for Shinji; he discusses ‘reality’ and ‘truth’ and ‘dreams’ and ‘illusion’ with Rei (note that in both EoTV and EoE, there’s some rather confusing uses of the words ‘truth’ and ‘reality’ in the English translations, which suggests that we may be missing the intended meaning entirely because we’re reading in the usual meanings) and finally Shinji rejects the Sea of LCL.

At the end of the EoE sequence, Rei tells Shinji that the alternate world is just a ‘convenient dream’. Shinji asks whether that’s bad, Shinji defends dreams, Rei tells him that he’s misusing the word dream and this world is an illusion and escape from reality. Switching back to the final EoE script, Shinji admits he doesn’t understand reality or happiness, realizes that the world is ‘empty’ and a distortion of the real world; Rei tells him further that his dream is in the real world. Then we go into the Sea of LCL dialogue which we all know, in which Shinji seems to take a stoic viewpoint and accept that the real world sucks but it’s real so he will endure it. The draft of EoE which had the full sequence seems to put it much more harshly than the final script, going by Olivier Hague’s translated snippets:

Shinji’s voice: “I’m sorry, Ayanami. I’ll return to where I used to be. There may be nobody there, by now, but I’ll return. I guess there is nothing good for me, there, never was and never will be, but I’ll return. Because it’s the place I belong and I have to live in.”

That description of life is almost as pessimistic and despairing as the Last B ending:

…We then see Shinji lying on the beach. His right hand is holding a white one. “I’ll never see them again.” “It’s better to think of it this way.” “I’m still alive, so I’ll keep on living.” He squeezes the hand harder. Then, he sees Rei (like in the actual episode and Last A). We eventually see that there is nobody lying near Shinji. Just a white arm without the rest of the body…

At this point, I have to wonder: why? In EoTV, his breakthrough is understandable: he’s realized he can live his life in other ways and be happy. But in EoE, there is no such breakthrough and the sequence serves a different role in somehow convincing Shinji that really existing and being real is more important than anything else, and so he should go on living even though there is ‘nothing good for me, never was, and never will be’ - to say nothing of the shocking Last B.

The closest it comes to really explaining is immediately backpeddling on the lack of good things by having Yui claim that “It will be alright. All lifeforms have the power to restore themselves……and the wish to live. If you decide to live, anywhere can be heaven……because you’re alive. There will be chances to be happy everywhere. As long as the Sun, Moon and Earth exist……it will be alright.”

Can this tension between the 2 sequences, and the dialogues and messages of EoE and EoTV, be resolved if we can nail down what exactly Anno means by ‘dream’, ‘reality’, and ‘happiness’? Maybe.

I have to say that even if the tension were resolved, the delivery of the message in EoTV was far more effective than EoE. Reading online, I see few people who seem to have been helped by EoE, while EoTV did help people (some of whose messages are shown in EoE). Anno talks of administering children “poison” to help them learn to deal with the painful real world; yet I wonder if EoE goes overboard on the poison.

But Shinji’s pessimism and escape into a dream, and his choice to then reject assimilation and a form of suicide, confirms the original interpretation of the KsT scene and in fact gives us a general sketch of EoE: rejected by the world and Asuka (pre-KsT), he escapes into Instrumentality (KsT), but with Rei/Instrumentality’s help and the alternate world (cut live-action sequence), comes to a realization/breakthrough (Sea of LCL) and returns to reality (the beach).

And with this stoic pessimal viewpoint in mind, the three EoE endings (final, Last A, and Last B) are no longer surprisingly dark. In reverse order - the real world sucks, and a dismembered Rei limb is merely realistic; the real world sucks so a grave for Misato is merely realistic and his relationship with Asuka is strained at best so of course she yells at him; the real world sucks so a possible grave for Misato is merely realistic and his relationship with Asuka painful enough that he escaped into Instrumentality so why not strangle her again, since the real one will react and the Instrumentality ones won’t.

Rebuild

https://forum.evageeks.org/thread/9152/Similarities-between-Rebuild-and-NGE-music/

otaku therapy using KsT: https://forum.evageeks.org/thread/9376/Eva-as-therapy/

in general: https://forum.evageeks.org/thread/5091/My-Kinda-Sorta-Eva-Magnum-Opus/0/

https://web.archive.org/web/20050429190953/evamonkey.com/reichu/misc/reichu_s2works_eyed.html https://web.archive.org/web/20050429191009/evamonkey.com/reichu/misc/reichu_s2works_amaki.html

https://forum.evageeks.org/post/53409/Kimochi-Warui/#53409 https://forum.evageeks.org/post/53626/Kimochi-Warui/#53626 https://forum.evageeks.org/post/52064/Barrage-of-break-up-lines-in-26/#52064